4/28/09

course of 4 days

want to curl up,
and disappear.
why am I turning into this?

laying in bed,
want to update, but have nothing to update on.
I want to just fly to NY asap.
but what about a job?
because the wind is high. it blows my mind. because the wind is high. oh
love is all, love is you. because the sky is blue. it makes me cry.
because the sky is blue.
order bathing suit.
buy ticket to NY.
find a job.
plan for oregon.

    I've got nobody to talk to about this.  I can pay off my debt!!!  But I want to go to NY.  What the FUCK. I'll be thrilled to have no debt left.  But, I don't have a day goes by, or wake up from some dream/suffication
of kalvin.  Its insane.  I wake up holding my breath, thinking/hoping I'm in NY, or I roll over expecting to see him sleeping.  And I don't.  Then its like I fall 100 floors.
    I can pay off my debt and still fly myself to NY.  I'd starve, but I  think I'd be 95% happy.  Fix the 5% by being in CA.

4/11/09

love etta

I want a Sunday kind of love
A love to last past Saturday night
And I?d like to know it?s more than love at first sight
And I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yea yea

I want a a love that?s on the square
Can?t seem to find somebody
Someone to care
And I?m on a lonely road that leads to no where
I need a Sunday kind of love

I do my Sunday dreaming, Oh yea
And all my Sunday scheming
Every minute, every hour, every day

Oh I?m hoping to discover
A certain kind of lover
Who will show me the way

And my arms need someone
Someone to enfold
To keep me warm when Mondays and Tuesdays grow cold
Love for all my life to have and to hold
Oh and I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yea yea yea

I don?t want a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, or Thursday, Friday or Saturday
Oh nothing but Sunday oh yea
I want a Sunday Sunday
I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yea
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday kind of loooove

4/10/09

The joke about the guy who went to a psychiatrist and said "my brother thinks he's a chicken" and the doctor says "why don't you take him in?" and the guy says "because I need the eggs"... That's how I feel about relationships they're completely irrational, crazy and absurd.. but ugh, I guess we keep going through it, cause most of us.. need the eggs.

4/9/09

happiness!!! (not the movie)

Just a whole Philip Seymour section, although I recommend seeing Happiness, another piece of gold by Mistuh
Hoffman.

3/29/09

the invisible string

just like the way my hair looks best after a few days of getting dirty

I have to wait until the sun is about to rise before inspiration will finally hit me

I see the suns pink face showing

and now I can tell you this

we are all connected by one single invisible string

and what we do will resonate through that string all the way until the last

man and woman fall weak to their needs and die

right now

at this moment

in the exact place that you are

you are making me feel the way I feel right now

just by being

and I am eternally grateful.

thank you for making the sunrise today.


-kalvin