It's A Little Stupid..

how I'm pretty much ready to give up everything to move somewhere.

Inbox disaster...

    In a hope to delete email and organize, I make the dumb mistake of reading some emails having to do with "I like waking up to you",  "I hope we get to fight in front of people someday because its ok to be weird
as a couple" and the many "I love you"s.

    Momentary lapse in good judgement.
  
    Most favorite memories though.

    Eff.

sunday, bloody sunday

    NY flashbacks all evening / night.  Was watching Night At The Museum, that made me feel weird.  Good memories, just not all about the "current" end result, or whatever it could be titled.  Then I was going through my old boss' NY Fashion Week photos and thought "wait, that looks familiar", clicked, and bam, it was Milk. lol.

    Now, I'm listening to U2 and GaGa while talking to Justin so that I can not get creeped out about disfigured men looking in my windows.  Thanks to watching the first hour of "The Box", I'm now weirded out.

I concur 100%

    I miss Em an the whole bunch of them.

i miss you.

i miss new york.

i worry that "that feeling" will disappear.

still feels like it was a dream.

best 2.5 weeks ever.

what i wouldn't give to head back tomorrow..

i get all mushy when i watch The Fountain & drink loads of vodka

1 Month Ago Today, I Was On A Plane...

and about 6.5 hours from seeing Kalvin. who i miss dearly :( so.... here's some pictures:










reenactment of kalvins drinking on his bday

new persons i love.. em

justin & logan(my air guitar partner)





Me: ok. for serious, for a minute. I do love you. I'm really bummed I'm leaving, but hope to be back soon enough. I hope everything we've said to each other pans out. and I'm sorry about the living situation.
Kalvin: its ok
Kalvin: I love you too
Kalvin: and I love being around you
Kalvin: you have a calming effect on me that feels really great
Me: yeah. being around you, puts me at ease.
Kalvin: I like it
Me: and I don't think I could have said thank you, or how much I like you, or how much I love you... enough
Kalvin: me too

(blasted blogger cutting my photos in half :( )

thx craig

Craig.. Erika's Hubby: I heard the jenny holzer show at the whitney is
pretty good

Craig.. Erika's Hubby: Go to the met, then sleep in the park

Craig.. Erika's Hubby: You should go to yummy taco
Craig.. Erika's Hubby: In brooklyn
Craig.. Erika's Hubby: http://www.yelp.com/biz/yummy-taco-brooklyn-3

--------------- May 19, 2009 8:57 pm ---------------
Craig.. Erika's Hubby: shake shack, YES

--------------- May 20, 2009 2:27 pm ---------------
Craig.. Erika's Hubby: You can go to strand bookstore
Craig.. Erika's Hubby: Head south to broadway and 12th
<3reggie

the face of a happy...

mildly hung over girl, bundled up in NY.

could I be happier?

course of 4 days

want to curl up,
and disappear.
why am I turning into this?

laying in bed,
want to update, but have nothing to update on.
I want to just fly to NY asap.
but what about a job?

because the wind is high. it blows my mind. because the wind is high. oh
love is all, love is you. because the sky is blue. it makes me cry.
because the sky is blue.

order bathing suit.
buy ticket to NY.
find a job.
plan for oregon.

    I've got nobody to talk to about this.  I can pay off my debt!!!  But I want to go to NY.  What the FUCK. I'll be thrilled to have no debt left.  But, I don't have a day goes by, or wake up from some dream/suffication
of kalvin.  Its insane.  I wake up holding my breath, thinking/hoping I'm in NY, or I roll over expecting to see him sleeping.  And I don't.  Then its like I fall 100 floors.
    I can pay off my debt and still fly myself to NY.  I'd starve, but I  think I'd be 95% happy.  Fix the 5% by being in CA.

Life:

ny, could be my home for the summer..


sf, would be a place to move back to after..


la, will always hold my heart though.

"sweet tooth in full effect"... by reggie bradshaw

(edit: before "tonight" I was at Ronnies and we went to get wine and I got a text from Anthony "why you creepin in my hood?" and a missed call while we were in the store. I called and he said he had seen me driving and went right by me and I missed it. Our monthly sighting and apparently I was texting or something. haha.)

So tonight was fun in general...
Picked up Ronnie, the Wife and Salina...
the Wife took some of her car pictures, then we dropped Salina off, and picked up Dennis.

We took some photos, then went to the pub.
Left, I got pulled over for speeding & left w/ a citation promising to "never speed again"
and 2 coupons for free tacos for Jack In The Box.
The cop asked Ronnie if he wanted them, and when Ronnie joked "I'm a bulemic",
the cop says, "oh! That's ok, they come up real easy" hahah!
And when I apologize the cop says "for speeding or what you were listening to?"
because I had mentioned we were listening to Britney Spears lol.

After all that excitement, we ended up at the Tiki.
It was fun, then it went emotionally downhill for me within an hour.
I'm a bitch and I ended up crying, but at least I had the Wifes bewbs to cushion me HA!
I talked to Joshua for quite sometime,
then when I went to sit in my car, I talked to a handful of other people.
The cherry on top for the night was having this comment said to me by a friend,
"I'm semi disgusted in you right now".

Then we drove around a bit more, got coffee (after the bar closed).
the Wife took more pictures of Ronnie & Dennis acting a fool,
we all sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" & "Sweet Caroline" insanely loud,
OH! and my coffee was free because, Dennis got out to smoke while we were in the drive thru,
and he popped out in the drive thru thinking we were the next car.
We weren't and he scared the crap out of the car in front of us SO...
after the guy in the window handed me my drink, he mumbled and took off without taking $.
Then Dennis got in the car and said that they had come out and talked to him because they thought he was out there doing something to the customers or fucking around with stuff,
"I didn't know if we were going to beat you up, or you were going to jump us".


Man oh man, what a night.

Tomorrow starts semi-early with a drive to check on Ronnies mom's pup,
then more photo shoot, quite possibly text harass people.
Get dressed up for "my photo shoot", and then head to Chelles for LOST!!!!



going to bed now, knowing:
that someone loves me, and
that someone "has a reason to go to california".